No Words!

So here's some crazy news.

My car has been fixed. It was a simple thing, really. A fuse needed to be replaced. That was all. Just a fuse. I've been without a car for nearly a month and all that needed to be done was replace a fuse. Less than $30 procedure. Done.

Well, I called Dad to let him know it'd been taken care of and my car was in tip-top shape. He replied, "That's great! So how about we sell your car and we give you our spare?"

"What?"

"We have a car that we don't really use. It's a Mitsubishi montero, with air conditioning, a CD player, new wheels, a brand new engine... It's really great. And you're car is getting pretty old. It just seems like the right thing to do."

"What?"

"Solomon has offered to drive it out to you this weekend. There are a couple of things I'll need to do before he goes, but they're minor. We figured he'd drive it out and then fly back home."

"..."

"We'll need to sell your car though. So I'll need to get some information from you about that. The mileage and everything."

"Okay."

So my brother in law is coming in a week, maybe two, to drop off what is very much like a brand new car. A new car! And a gigantic bonus is is that Solomon is going to be here! I've told my friends a lot about him and how cool he is because he uses words like "epoch" and "copacetic" to describe everyday events. If I had my way, not only would he come, but my sister and brother would come along too. That would be absolutely amazing. Because I've talked to everyone about them too.

So yeah. Crazy, huh?!

Updated!

I know I write more here than at carlybish.com and I haven't got a good excuse as to why, but since you probably check this more often then the other, I figured I'd let you know that it's been updated. Although, I really don't know how many people actually read anymore. Not fishing! I'm just saying I really don't have a clue!

Heartache and Longing...

Why can't things just fit? If it's good, then it's good and you thank God for the goodness. Why can't things work when they're so good and so right?

Why can't anything last?

27 Years Encounting.

My parents' wedding anniversary is coming up and I was thinking about their story, how they met, fell in love, and how they've managed to stay in love for the last 27 years. I'd like to say that I know how lucky I am for my parents' longlasting happiness, but somehow, I still doubt I fully grasp how lucky I really am. I don't think I'd ever fully understand unless I was living on the opposite side of the spectrum. Thank goodness I haven't had to and I'm sorry to those who have.

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if my parents hadn't ended up together. My parents met under strange circumstances. Dad was in school and Mom was living with a girl who was going to the same school. Mom tried her hand at the jewelry business and Dad washed dishes for $1.35 an hour in the early morning hours, cramming text books during the day. They only knew of each other because they shared the same group of friends, but after spending more time together, it was apparent they were very interested in each other. But when Mom confessed to Dad that her jewelry business was going under and she would have to move back in with her parents, who lived several hours away, my Dad stepped up and told her he didn't want her to go...

And I can't help wondering what would've happened if my dad hadn't said or done what he did. What if he'd just let her go home? And what if my mom hadn't agreed to stay? What if she'd gone home despite knowing how my dad felt about her? What if neither of them had taken those risks? Would they have missed out on a life together? Would they have found each other later on?

Mom told me once that the difference between Dad and all the other guys she'd dated before was that he never failed to make her feel like she was "the only one." I suppose she must've done the same for him. And I'm so glad my parents ended up together. Not just because I'm a result of that, but also because I've seen how happy they are together. And it's exactly what I hope for myself someday.

Lately.

The last few days have been nice. Very nice. I don't want to say they've been great, but they were in no way bad either.

School started on Wednesday, thereby kicking off my second year at Lee University. How vastly different this year will be compared to last. I remember my first day as a Lee student last year and I cannot believe what a difference one year can make. I truly believe I've managed to befriend many of the greatest people who attend this school. I don't want to come off judgmental here. I just know that there's a type of people I tend to get along with most and I think I've found a lot of them. The others I don't really fit in with--they are the ones typically involved in school in every possible way. To me, they all tend to look like those people you see in real estate catalogues. You know what I'm talking about? The ladies all wear black slacks and perfectly styled, highlighted hair and the guys wear a pressed, pin-stripe, collared shirt every day of their lives. And every single one of them sing in the choir. They're really nice people, but they're cookie-cutters. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm no longer alone here. I walk from class to class and run into friends all the time. People call out my name and there are people to socialize with or get lunch with. I can't tell you how much I've missed this. I haven't had it since I was in CRU at Cascadia, and that was nearly three years ago!

I've been walking everywhere, since my car has been extremely temperamental. Walking to school, walking to work, walking the dog... Yeah, that's right! If you hadn't noticed her picture at Flickr, I'll go ahead and mention it here. We got a dog! And not just because we wanted a dog either. We got Bella, a Neapolitan Mastiff, from our friend Mike because he couldn't keep her where he was living and Christy-Anne and I felt like we could use the extra security. We've lived here for a month and we've already had a couple things stolen. Like our fire pit and one of our trash cans. Random, I know! Nonetheless, it's nice to have Bella around to ward off anyone who comes lurking around at night. Especially since this is a house of girl. But Bella is not just a great security system! She's also a great spooner and cuddle whore. We love her a whole lot.

I'm just feeling really good about things. I'm excited about the school year and everything God has planned. He's brought me so far in just the last eight months. He removed all the ugliness from my life and has blessed me with so many beautiful things and people. He's also restored my confidance and brought to light all the things I thought I had to change about myself. No one can ever tell me ever again that I am flawed and need to change. Even if they try, I will know it is only because they feel crappy about themselves and it's the only way they know how to make themselves feel better.

I'm stronger than you can imagine. All glory to God.

Fears.

I need your grace to remind me
To find my own... - Snow Patrol, "Chasing Cars"

(Click the link and read the lyrics. Better yet, purchase the song on your iTunes.)

As you may have figured out by now, I really love my job and everyone I work with. It's an amazing place to work and I can't see myself giving it up any time soon. Not to mention the fact that it just keeps getting better...

So Beth, a shift manager at the 'Bucks, and I are making way for a weekly "music night" every Thursday starting in September and who did Beth suggest be our first spotlight artist?

Me.

And I'm wrecked over it. Because I haven't written anything significant on my own since I moved here and I'm only confident in approximately four or five songs, only providing about 25 to 30 minutes worth of actual quality listening. And even still, I'm extremely hesitant because even though no one else has heard these songs, I've been playing them for nearly three years, which makes them very old.

So I'm pushing myself to dive head first into that creative part of myself that seemed to thrive so much more in Seattle. Why it terrifies me, I'm not quite sure. Probably because I'm not sure what I'm capable of anymore. But I guess we'll find out on the 7th of next month, because that's when I play. (Eek.)

I think I know what I have to do, but it's such a scary thing to think about...

I have to go there. I have to step into the cold, eerie darkness. I have to dig and I have to look very closely. I need to seek out all the memories and reconnect to that pain and then...

I'll have to write. And no one can blame me for what comes out, so please, be kind. And if you're in the area on the 7th, don't judge too harshly. Because it's been a while since I've been creative in this way. So if whatever you hear seems a bit amateurish, consider where it's coming from. Because every song I've written before now has never come from a state of such brokenness. All those songs about love and loss before? It was all what I had imagined it would be like if it happened to me. Now, whatever I write... It's the real thing. And that's the most frightening part of all.

First Day of School!

I've finished my first half of classes. I've already decided to drop my Writing for Psychology class. It's not what I expected at all and fully intended for psychology majors only. It was more of a writing for research type of class than anything else, and I've done that before. It's not that fun.

So I just spent the last hour trying to find a class to replace it with. I have to replace it or else I won't be considered a full time student. I could only find one class of any interest that filled that same time slot. It's a bible course on I & II Corinthians and I'm really interested in it. Those are two of the greatest books Paul wrote and if you recall, during last fall semester, I did my entire New Testament research paper on the city of Corinth. I'd love to further educate myself about the ancient city. That might sound dorky, but I'm kind of dorky in that sense.

Anyway. I'm really happy that school is back in session. It makes me motivated to live my life and live it full.

In other news, my mom sent me bracelets that have the words "Pray for Elise, Psalm 30:2" written on them. They're a lot like the Lance Armstrong "Live Strong" bracelets, only they're blue. My mom sent me several, so my friends are wearing them too. George, Christy-Anne and Jeremy are all wearing theirs. I feel blessed by them.

So yeah... That's what's been going on. As a sidenote, though... Do you ever wonder about whether something is truly over? You think it's over, but then something just tells you it's not? Either you feel it in your head or in your heart or God whispers it to you in some way? I'm certain it's not over, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see...

Time for French! Later!

Free Write.

I am so angry right now. My heart is on fire with rage. I haven't a clue as how to express this. I'm not good at expressing it. I'm not even sure what it's about or where it came from. Anger overwhelms me and because I rarely feel this way, I'm not very good at finding a way to release it.

As typical of me, I have returned to write...

You know what's interesting about anger? Everyone has their method. Some people get so angry, they throw a fit and start screaming, never thinking about their words. Others start punching things or even people. There are those who get so angry, they just have to leave. They'll go for a walk or a drive to cool down. And then, there's the calm one. The person who gets angry and somehow manages to stay calm, staring down whatever it is they're angry at until it submits. I don't even know what kind of person I am. I think there are varying types of anger in my case, ranging from "mildly annoyed" to "watch out, I'm pissed." Rarely ever do I feel like the latter. And even still, the extreme side of anger that I may possess is comparitively tame when examined next to anyone else.

I don't write about being angry very often... I'm not sure why. I'm not an angry person. You know who writes angrily very well? Sarah Hatter. Because she can convey her anger in all it's intensity, but make you laugh about it at the same time. I wish I could do that. But with me, it's more like, "Woah, she is really mad. That's sad..."

I'm just going to say that I am really angry at people and all their drama. They limbo between good and bad moods, forcing you to guess on which end their teetering all the time. Frankly, I'm fed up with all of it.

Why can't people just love God and be happy? (You don't have to answer that.)

Do me a favor?

Someone please teach me how to stop loving someone.

Currently listening to:

Elliott Smith
Either/Or

A First.

And proud of it.

Mending.

Last night, at Jeremy's, I stayed up all night with him and other friends until I couldn't stay awake any longer.

It was fun.

Today, I finished my fall schedule. School starts on the 23rd. I'm ready for it. If you recall, I achieved all A's last fall semester. I plan on doing that again. I liked how that felt, having never done that before.

This is what I have planned for the coming fall:

Introduction to Theology
Foundation of Western Culture
Writing for Psychology
Biblical and Theological Foundations of Benevolence (a mouthful, I know)
French
Global Perspectives Seminar (required to go to Cambridge)

I'm really looking forward to the Writing for Psychology class. I've always succeeded in psychology classes before and it's been a while since I've taken one. The subject seems to come naturally to me.

In other news, I miss someone. I can't say who, but I really miss them. Especially their smile. They've got one of those smiles, you know? The kind that's ridiculously contagious.

Luckily for me, God is a great comfortor. And He doesn't blame me for missing them. Because He would miss them too.

Amy is So Smart.

And she gives fantastic advice. And she says really intelligent things. And I love talking to her so much. I miss being roommates with her, but at least we're still hardcore confidantes. I just thought I'd mention. And she also has a blog. Go read it.

I want to go home, but I know I'm not supposed to. But that doesn't change the fact that I still really want to. Really, really, really want to.

?

Don't you hate it when you feel like you're setting yourself up to be disappointed? Yeah, me too.

Ian Dunn-esque.

"Capitalism stands next to Patriotism in the Pantheon of Untouchable Ideals that we Christians dare to criticize at our own peril."

Read the full article here.

Thinking of Elise.

Elise is on my mind constantly. I'm praying for her all the time. I'm working on a flight to Seattle in October so I can visit family, but mostly, visit her. She's such a gorgeous little girl (on the left) and I can hardly believe what she's going through right now. I worry about her, but I know God will see her through this. I believe that. She's got far too much ahead of her.

I haven't had a lot to say lately. I know that. Things have been so busy around here. We're still getting our house settled in and with Channa-Jo (not "Shawna" like I thought it was, but pronounced the same way) moving in this week, it's going to be clutter-fest again for a while. In the meantime, I'm getting ready for school to start in exactly three weeks (August 23rd) and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have to go through that whole financial aid mess again, renew my FAFSA and hopefully, get a loan or two taken out from a local bank somewhere. It just feels overwhelming sometimes. Like it's such a big task, I'm not sure how to approach it. I know it'll all get taken care of eventually.

I did have a little adventure today. My car has been acting kind of funny for the last two days, so I called my dad about it and he suspected there was something wrong with the alternator. I don't know anything about cars, so I had to ask him to explain what the alternator does exactly. He did and so it became imperitive that I seek out mechanical help as soon as possible, because if the alternator was dead, then my car was running soley on its battery, which would only last a day or two before going dead completely.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to take my car in today because I had to work, but lucky for me, George knew exactly what needed to be done. I explained to him what my Dad said and George took care of the rest. Went out, bought me a new alternator, installed it, got all messy in the process, and basically saved me from what could have been a really sucky situation later. Like my car dying in the middle of driving it! As much as I'd like to understand and be able to take care of my car, I don't. So it's really nice to know wonderful boys like George who aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves, get dirty, and take care of the problem. And I'm sorry, but when those boys come to you when they're all finished, with black, oily hands, dirt smudged on their cheeks, the hottness-factor cannot be denied!

I think, maybe later, I'll post one of those lists of things I'd really like to see happen in the next year or so. You know? One of those "This is what I hope happens" kind of lists. I'm going to have to think about it though. Maybe if I get enough encouragement to do so.

Dave is my Dad.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

I love you so much.