The Works Bomb.

"That Time" by Regina Spektor

PS. I'm making the switch. Okay is going to be my official vlog and blogging, including day-to-day events, will end up at carlybish.com. Thanks!

LOST!

I was at Starbucks last night until 1:55 in the morning. That's right. It was after 2:00am by the time I got home. Why? Because I was part of the crew helping set up for "Fall Phase 2", putting decorations in place and getting rid of a lot was there before. But being there until very late isn't the part I'm really complaining about..

I LOST MY THUMB RING.



Sometime last night, while putting things away and working on signage, I lost half my thumb ring. It's a ring that separates into two parts and one of those parts has gone missing! I have had this ring for years. And I've rarely ever taken it off. It's never fallen off either! It's always just stayed on my right thumb and I never thought I'd lose it. Ever! I love this ring. It's the only piece of jewelry I wear, besides my "Pray for Elise" bracelet and a hair tie. I used to have another ring, but it was purple and plastic and it wore out... But the silver thumb ring could last forever!



I don't know what to do.



I fear it may be lost... forever...

Whew!

This has been a very stressful week. I have felt a lot of pressure from my classes at school. Are classes supposed to get harder the further along you go? Is that how it works?

Yesterday, my Foundation of Western Culture teacher came through the Starbucks drive-thru with his wife and when he saw me at the window, he said, "Hey! How've you been? You staying busy?"

"Yeah..." I nodded, almost feeling uncomfortable. "I'm trying to finish that paper and study for the test tomorrow... But I also have another test in the class just before yours... And I'm working here..."

He chuckled a bit and replied, "You're not trying to make me feel guilty, are you?"

I told him "no" and explained, "I'm just feeling the strain, that's all."

Thinking he might encourage me somehow or express a degree of sympathy, he simply shrugged, stuck a straw into his carmel frappuccino and smiled, "Well! Sometimes life is hard!" and he drove through.

Thanks, Dr. Sims. Thank you very much.

I think I did really well on the paper, though. But the test? Not so much.

However, I think I may have done alright on the Intro to Theology test.

I guess I'll find out...

I just know that from this point forward, I'm really going to dig deep into my studies. Keep up with the reading, turn things in on time, and really make a genuine effort at getting this stuff done. I think I've been so distracted by the things going on around me, I haven't felt capable at fitting everything in with my schedule. So much of the time, I feel distracted by my homesickness or thinking about Elise. Sometimes, I'll even allow myself to get off track because of the roommates, who I love and therefore, would rather hang out and socialize with than do anything else. And it's not just them, it's others too. Our friends Jeremy and Mike come over a lot and we end up watching movies, or eating food, and just hang out and talk.

Anyway... No more. I'm going to be more disciplined. I know I'm more capable than this. I just have to remind myself of that on a daily basis, I suppose.

If anything else comes up, I'll let you know.

You People Show No Appreciation!

So what? I finally start vlogging and what do I get? Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

Regardless of your lack of enthusiasm, I will continue to make videos and share them with you all, but dang it... I need a little more love from you people.

Okay, I've thrown my tantrum. Moving on to the thing I really wanted to talk about...

Seth and Arley got married this week! And guess where they're spending their honeymoon presently?! That's right, kids! In beautiful, sunny Seattle! Go ahead! Take a look! In nearly every picture, I recognize something I've either been to or been to several times before. They just recently visited the Space Needle and there are all the little tourist things like, "Stand here and look to your right! On a clear day, you can see Mt. Rainier!", which they've included in their photos and it's just funny to me... They are currently where I grew up and they are seeing things I always saw, walking places I have walked, touching things I have touched...

Believe it or not, Seth and Arley are kind of like celebrities to me. I've been reading Awakeland now for a long time and Seth and Arley have been together this entire time. And I can't remember a single post when Seth seemed dissatisfied or unhappy in the relationship. Seth and Arley have always been just that--Seth and Arley. Really perfect for each other. I honestly don't think I've ever seen two people compliment each other so well as these two do. And I can't understand it. What they have is so extraordinary to me and I look at their pictures and read their posts in pure, delicous envy!

Truthfully, I think if I ever met them, I would find myself slightly short of breath and finding it difficult to say anything besides "pgghttt."

Please. Go look at their pictures. Read Seth's posts. And appreciate the goodness. I am so happy for them, it kinda hurts.

And comment more. Did you like the montage or what??

Summer Montage.

"Sun Will Set" by Zoë Keating.

From Elise's Mom.

I read my Elise update today and this was written by her mother, Susan. I just felt like I should share it with you because I think we can all benefit from such thoughts.

Yesterday I attended a retreat with junior high students from Bellevue Christian School. Over the eight hours I spent with these great kids, I had lots of time to reflect about life, change, anticipations, presumptions and more. I watched groups of girls just hanging out together and I wondered, “Which girl is most like Elise?” “If Elise were here today, what would she be doing?” It could have been easy to lament the fact that Elise is sick but to be honest my heart did not go there. I thought what a blessing it has been to spend hours and hours of quality time with Elise—far more than I ever have, or most likely would have if cancer had not entered our lives. I also thought about how I have carried perceptions about Elise for a long time—pegged her as a certain type of kid.

As her mother I was certain I knew how God fashioned her, what she was capable of and what she might become. I see now that my perceptions were incomplete. Through cancer I have witnessed characteristics of Elise I never knew existed. She is far more courageous than I knew. She has a deep inner joy that can’t be quenched, and a resolve to take what life hands her. The depth of her character never presented itself when we were “doing life as usual”.

The same is true for Jared. I see him as far more vulnerable than I thought and deeply appreciative of each day the sun rises.

It makes me wonder if I short-change myself and others. Maybe there is more to us all than we see. Maybe, just maybe we are far more capable than we give ourselves credit for. Perhaps we are gifted in ways we never thought possible.

The Lord says that we are precious in His sight. And think about it, He sees more than we humans do. Heck, He can look into the very deepest parts of our souls. I may never see you or my children as He can, but cancer has taught me to look deeper, reserve judgment, and celebrate every person I come in contact with.

Tests!

I have my first big tests today... My first is in Recent American History & Government with a teacher I adore and it starts in less than an hour. I've never taken his tests before so I really don't know what to expect, which always makes me nervous. Tests stress me out, especially when I haven't taken one by a certain teacher yet, because they either go really well or really bad... After that, I have my first oral exam in French 211 and I'm really nervous about that too because I'm struggling now that I'm in the 200 level class. Saying things in past and imperfect tenses is really difficult and most of the time, I think I sound like an idiot.

So that's all I really have to say for now. I should really be going over this stuff more since it starts in less than an hour. I just wanted to get that out there, maybe grab a few prayers from anyone who reads this before the tests actually happen. So thanks if you read this in time to do so...

My First Video! (Finally!)

It's Official!

My flight has been booked! I leave October 17th and will not return until the 23rd! All my friends who are still in and around the Seattle area, give me a call or email. I want to see you.

I'm going home, Elise! Can't wait to see you!

Random Sidenote.

Tonight, I was teaching Christy-Anne how to do some things on the guitar and I got off on a tangent and started doing something that I kind of taught myself how to do a long time ago... I was playing, just goofing around on this cool little thing, and I basically got lost in the sound of it. Finally, I stopped doing what I was doing and lifted my head up, about to apologize for getting off track, but I saw Christy-Anne's fallen jaw and I said, "What?"

She shook her head, truly amazed, and replied, "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen! PLEASE do that for your next music night!"

It was extremely flattering.

And you probably wish you knew what it was I was doing... Haha... Well, maybe I'll just have to record it for you sometime. (So devious.)

Currently listening to:

Susanna and the Magical Orchestra
Melody Mountain

Angel.

I just read the most recent update on Elise. It's hard to read sometimes, because there will be things they write and it all sounds so encouraging and so hopeful. But my heart breaks when I read or hear about something sad... Elise is going through tough rounds of chemotherapy, and now, she's getting around by wheelchair because it's too painful for her to walk. She says her legs hurt all the time. But she's got so much spirit. Even with her head shaved, she can't wait to get her picture taken for the new school year. I don't think there's anything more beautiful that.

How can you tell me God doesn't exist if something so beautiful does?

Events!

The last week and a half have been interesting, to say the least. And eventful! With Solomon, my new car, George leaving, school, music night and parties... I haven't had a lot of time to just sit and relax. But it's so much better than having nothing to do! I have a social life these days and it's nice!

Like last night, I went to my friend Tony's 23rd birthday party. A coworker and I went in on a special French press from Starbucks and he nearly died from his excitement. Tony is a coffee connaisseur, so it was the perfect gift. I mean, he loves coffee so much, our friend Beth made him a delicous chocolate Espresso Roast cake and brought coffee-flavored cigars! He loved it all. We also had the privilege of eating fresh sushi, made by our favorite Japanese ninja, Saori! Oh man, it was so good. Later, our friend Chris showed up bestowing a bottle of chianti. Christy-Anne took a picture of me drinking it and making the worst face ever. I'm just not a red wine person. But I did smoke one of Beth's coffee-flavored cigars and that was different. You could actually taste the coffee in it!

It's so nice to hang out with cool people. As opposed to people who aren't cool... Anyway.

School's going really well. My classes have my attention. The only one I struggle with is Foundation of Western Culture, but it's mostly because my teacher likes to listen to himself talk and he's not very lively. I have to force myself to pay attention in that class. However, one thing I will say about it is there is a guy in the class who's life aspiration has always been to be a real pirate someday. Today, he showed up to class with tattered pants and he wasn't wearing shoes. He seriously wants to be a pirate! And he was very upset today when someone in class cheapened the role of Ghandi in human history. Don't upset a pirate who loves Ghandi, that's all I can say!

In other news, I found out Elise shaved her whole head due to reactions to the chemotherapy and I'm seriously considering shaving mine to support her. I would donate my hair to Locks of Love... I'm still praying about it. George said that if I do it, he would do it with me. And that would be cool. Bald Buddies. I'm not sure. Christy-Anne has been talking to me about it, because she shaved her head last year when she went through chemo treatment for Hepatitis C. She said it's hardcore, but she would support me if I wanted to do it. But we'll see. I haven't decided. Christy-Anne and I did get Elise's bear from the Build-A-Bear store on Sunday. I'd originally wanted to make her a lion, but they didn't have one. So we went for the bear, because it's still strong and grizzly. We got it on video too. I think she'll love it.

Okay, and if you wanted a little more detail about music night, here it is...

I played six songs, one of them I had written that day and it went over really well. And here are those new lyrics:

Now

I don't want to be where you are now
I don't want to be where you are now
Why should I be?

You live in a different world now
You live in an empty world now
You are barely free

You read your books in the dark and
I don't want to be the one who tells you
You can't see
You've got your blindfold on
Waiting for someone to kiss you and
It's not me

I won't answer the phone now
I won't answer your emails now
They're not what I need

You are so crazy now
You've lost your mind now
This I guarantee

You read your books in the dark and
I don't want to be the one who tells you
You can't see
You've got your blindfold on
Waiting for someone to kiss you and
It's not me

It Went Well.

For the most part, anyway.

Thanks to all who prayed for me and wished me luck... I needed it and I strongly believe I got it. Here's hoping this is the start of more songwriting in the near future. Thanks again.

Clutterized.

Life feels cluttered. I've been trying to get everything organized at home ever since I moved and I'm having extreme difficulty figuring out how to do it. I don't know if it's because I have a lot of stuff or if it's because I have no where to put it. I live in the upstairs part of the house, with two rooms of my own, but neither of them have closets and one of them hasn't any electrical outlets. I have a dresser, but it can't hold all the clothes that I possess and I have no where else to put them, so they sit in stacks on a chair outside my room. Not only that, but my bed frame has pretty much "had it" and I can't use it anymore and so my mattress lays on the floor, which is fine... I guess... But it just feels so disorganized and it's translating into my daily routine! I'm not quite sure how to get control of the situation.

Anyway.

Tomorrow is the first music night at Starbucks. I'm playing... I'm scared to death. It's been a really long time since I've done anything like it. Just thinking about it yesterday caused me to be short of breath. Please pray for me.

Archival.

I found this and realized it's a brilliant picture. How much more could I love this?

Bittersweet Changes.

He made it. Solomon did. He is so hilarious. Christy-Anne was laughing so hard at his wise cracks, she had to excuse herself after a mere 15 minutes in the same room with him. And the new car is quite awesome! This afternoon, I drove Solomon to Atlanta, dropped him off at the airport, and drove back. Everyone I've run into has said they think the car suits me better. Darren, from work, said, "This is so much more of a 'Carly' car." I couldn't agree more.

So George might buy my little corolla. Now that it's fixed, with a brand new alternator and battery, it'll be perfect for what George needs. He's gone home to south Georgia... But he'll still be working at Starbucks because they have a store near his hometown. He'll move back here when he's ready to. In the meantime, I'm going to miss one of the greatest people I've met since moving here. He's been there for me since I pretty much met him. It's not going to be nearly as fun without him around. I'll have to make the best of things, I guess. And road trip to south Georgia some time, kidnap him, take him to the beach or something... With this new car, it shouldn't be any trouble. Solomon got to meet George yesterday, though! And I was so happy about that. I really enjoy connecting my two worlds together in that way. Going to dinner with Solomon and George and then watching a movie together at my house... It was wierd, but so wonderful.

Later, after George had to leave, Solomon said, somewhat out of the blue, "So, uh... George."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah.... He's pretty freakin' awesome."

"You have no idea."

He also thought Christy-Anne was great too and he enjoyed making her laugh. We talked about school and relationships on the way to the airport and he said, "You've got a pretty great thing going on out here." And even though George has gone home and I won't see him nearly as often, I have to admit that I do. Things really are great. Bittersweet, but still great. And I'm excited to see what happens next. I guess we'll see.

Currently listening to:

Regina Spektor
Begin to Hope

Here We Are.

We are crazy kids.

Few things/updates:

1. Solomon (the brother-in-law) has made it to St. Louis and will arrive here sometime tomorrow afternoon. Pumped!
2. Also stoked about my new car that Sol is bringing with him. I'm mostly just excited to see him, though!
3. I need to do laundry very, very badly.
4. Elise is making major progress in her chemotherapy treatment! Praise God!
5. Homework is, strangely enough, sight for sore eyes?
6. [Insert big, goofy grin here.]